FML
by alois
Summary: Today, I decided to create a bunch of vocaloid oneshots based off real life incidents from the site f my life dot com. FML
1. Of strippers and birthdays

This actually occurred to me that this would be a good story idea a while ago. I don't really know why I didn't get working on it before. After this I'm planning on working on a Silent Hill crossover. I'll probably have that out by the time the new game comes out. It's based on Dark Woods Circus, Wide Knowledge and World is Mine. This little gem however is based off the website . It's where people post everyday stories of bad or funny things that happen to them.  Enjoy.

_Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend's birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML_

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"Did you shut that window yet?" Luke nagged me once again. I didn't answer him, deciding if it was that important he could do it himself. Really, he couldn't have asked me before? Was it really appropriate to bug me when I was halfway out the door? I finished with the clasp on my new necklace. It was gorgeous, really. An opalescent glass butterfly hanging on pink tinted glass beads. I smiled as I ran my finger over it. It was given as a gift from my girlfriend, Miku.

"Luka," He started again, shaking me out of my thoughts. I had had enough. Storming up to him, I grabbed his wrists and dragged him towards the open window. Gripping his hands, I forced him to close it. He merely stared at me in disbelief before meekly adding, "I was going to tell you you're running late." Gritting my teeth, I decided I'd deal with him later. Slipping on my golden kitten heels, I was out the door. Meiko was already waiting for me in her car, looking kind of bored. The headlights of her car reflected off our garage door, casting a shadow on her face. She looked kind of scary like that, and I shivered. Whether it was from the chilly night air or her creepy expression I didn't know.

"Meiko," I waved and she perked up, looking active again. "Let's go." She opened the side door for me, allowing room to slip into the red car. I recognized that the car wasn't hers, but her brother's.

"Won't he care?" I thought aloud. She laughed abruptly, and shook her head. I looked away in embarrassment. She ruffled my hair, it didn't seem like she minded. Thank god!

"Nope!" She giggled. "He knows our 'Girls' Night Out' is important." She turned the key in the ignition, and off we were. It was weird, usually Meiko wasn't allowed near any sort of vehicle because she drove worse than a bear on steroids eating an xbox while driving a unicorn. I grinned goofily, I really loved my imagination sometimes!

"Hey- so, um, Luka?" She began. I looked up at her but she kept her eyes on the road steadily.

"Yes?" I replied. She shifted nervously, running a hand through her hair.

"Do- Do you like surprises?" I tilted my head to the side, confused. What a random question. I tried to imagine why she'd come up with something like that. Was the party cancelled? Was it rescheduled? Did Rin die, so we were actually driving to her funeral?!

"I-I'm okay with them." I stated, and inhaled sharply, hoping it wasn't the latter. No, it couldn't be. Why would Meiko be so happy otherwise?

"Oh, good, good! Because we relocated to the strip club." My expression went from calm to 'ohgodwhyme'. I buried my head in my hands and groaned. Meiko seemed to throw me a look quickly. "Look- I'm sorry. It was Gumi's idea, Rin walked in on us talking about our original spot planned."

"It's... It's okay." I swallowed the anxiety building up in my throat. I knew for a fact I wasn't comfortable with these places. But it was Rin's birthday... I didn't want to ruin it for her! We pulled into a parking lot, it looked full and suddenly the anxiety was back. Meiko pat me on the shoulder, helping me out of the car slowly. She led me towards a door, a man (I think they're called the bouncers?) stood guard there.

"Megurine Luka and Sakine Meiko." She said simply. "We have a reservation here?" He flipped through some lists on a clipboard, nodding and opening the door for us. Meiko gripped my hand, leading me away from the main scene. I was glad, because it was really, reallllyyyy uncomfortable there. The techno music blared, some of the strippers (or "exotic dancers", that sounds so dumb though! People shouldn't sugarcoat things) looked tall and intimidating, some of the neon lights reflecting on their bodies. They wore stilettos that looked taller than they did. What really got me was that some of them looked off in another world, not paying attention to their surroundings. I couldn't blame them.

"L-Luka-san?" A timid voice called out. I turned around, catching Meiko's attention too. Mikuo?! What the hell was he doing here? He wasn't wearing anything skanky, I sighed in relief. (What? Did you think I actually thought he worked as a stripper here? No way!) I grabbed his arm anyway and pulled him into a corridor.

"What are you... doing here?!" I whispered harshly. He stepped back, looking down. Meiko didn't look like she was paying attention to us anymore, opting to oogle some of the other waiters.

"I-I... I'm not a stripper here if that's what you're thinking!" He mumbled. "I'm here watching over... I just want to make sure noone's taking advantage of-!!" He stopped, looking up in horror. I turned my head, wondering what he was looking at. I felt his hands go over my eyes. "N-no! Luka, d-don't look!" Annoyed, I pushed him away. When I saw what it was, I wish I hadn't have done that.

The long aqua hair spiraling around her lithe body. Those teasing teal eyes.

Miku.

What the-

"Luka!" Meiko called out loudly, and it seemed to catch Miku's attention. She looked our way, eyes widened in surprise. She tripped over her heels and fell to her knees, causing the crowd around her to gasp. I began to feel bad, a part of my mind urging me to go help her. That anxiety from before spread through to my gut, and I realized fully what I had done. I just embarrassed her infront of everyone. I think Meiko saw the worry, because she dragged me off to our would be destination. We left Mikuo in the hallway.

"Are you okay?" She whispered weakly, I don't suppose she was aware that Miku worked here either. The room we entered was a lush crimson, drapery of the same colour hung on the walls. The light was dimmed down, but I could see some of the decorations for Rin already up. Gumi, Kaiko and Gakuko moved over towards us, and I felt myself pale a little further. I could barely hear Meiko explaining what had happened. I felt Kaiko hug me, saying something like "It's okay!" I swallowed my initial surprise, hearing the hushed footsteps outside the door. Taking our positions, we waited for the mystery person to enter...

A while after Rin let herself in and we nearly gave her a heart attack, the party had started. We laughed and joked with each other, the cake had been an icecream cake of orange sherbert. (I hope Kaito wasn't anywhere nearby!) It felt like nearly an eternity before there was more knocking at the door.

"Hello?" The voice sounded tired, slightly sad. I stood up, my legs moving on their own. My hand twisted the door knob painstakingly. Miku. Miku stood there, looking at her feet. I led us outside and pulled her into my arms. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier." She mumbled into my embrace, snuggling against my shoulder. "I didn't know you guys were gonna be here so early."

Suddenly, all of my anxiety, fear and surprise washed away. I smiled, feeling something soothing running through my veins. "It doesn't matter." I declared. She shook off my arms, standing on tip toes to brush her lips against mine. My hands trailed through her hair, and I closed my eyes. We pulled away when air was needed. Her eyes sparkled, and I laughed lightly. I recognized that look of hers. Her hand intertwined with mine as she pulled us away.

KEKEKE. I bet you can guess what fun they went to go have. No hints about the next chapter, it's a surprise. ;) For now I must go fix up my Miku wig for tommorrow. Tell me who you want to see next, or you can browse FML and tell me which one you want. I can't do anything too risque, sorry. I don't want to raise the rating. Otherwise, all is good.


	2. Halloween Night

Late for Halloween but I was out all day preparing the house and my costume and such. Sorry!

Now that I'm finishing this off, this is WAY FRAKKIN LATE for Halloween, but my interweb access was limited.

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_Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my __zombie__ costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbour found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML_

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"OW!" I screeched, moving my hand to rub the spot at the back of my head that Taito had just pricked with the safety pin. He laughed nervously, pulling at the bandages a bit tighter to avoid another accident.

"I'm sorry!"

"Just don't let it happen again!" I grumbled. I didn't even WANT to go to this dumb party. If it wasn't for the fact that Meito invited me, I probably would have stayed home and slept. I pushed some red locks out of my line of vision, getting a better look at myself in the mirror. The medical eye patch had some of the expensive blood gel (Taito said he wouldn't help if I had anything less) starting to dry, and I was glad. It would be embarrassing to be sent to the hospital or something because of this shit leaking through to my eye! There was a little more pressure on my forehead as my brother pinned the last of the gauze.

"There!" He sighed in relief, dragging his feet over to plop down on the couch. I rolled my eyes, ripping at some of the clothing a little more for effect. I stared at myself once more in the mirror before throwing open the door.

For a pre-Halloween night, it wasn't too cold. I strolled down the road (the area we lived in wasn't too busy at night), practicing my un-dead walk. I shuffled sideways, accidently stumbling over the sidewalk. Whilst I was too busy swearing at myself, I didn't even notice the silver haired woman above me.

"Z—Zo..." She stuttered, taking a step back as our gazes met. "ZOMBIE!!!" I yelped, trying to roll out of the way as she jumped on me, pulling at my hair.

"Ha- Haku!" I cried. "Let go! It's me, Akaito! I'm just in costume!" She continued beating on me, I think the alcohol was affecting her hearing. I squirmed, who would have thought she was this strong? Just as Haku picked up a rock, I shielded my face with my arms and squeezed my eyes shut, hoping for the worst. After a few awkward seconds, it didn't come. I moved my arms away cautiously, looking back up at Haku. She looked down at me, confused, before getting up.

"Akaito?" She tilted her head, before extending her arm. I raised myself, feeling my head and back throbbing from the earlier assault. "Why were you on the ground?" I facepalmed internally.

"It- It's nothing, Haku-chan. Why are you out here anyway?" She stopped to think for a moment, looking away. I took this opportunity to attempt to brush myself off, but was startled when she burst into tears. "Ah-a Haku!" I hugged her tightly, trying to calm her down, whispering soothing things to her before leading her back to her house.

By the time I reached Meito, I was more than exhausted. He opened the door with a surprised look but it switched to a more amused one as he leaned in the doorway.

"My, oh my," He song-sang, and I felt the heaviness of sleep blocking me from getting angry at him. "Aren't we realistic with these cuts and bruises!" As a last resort, I headbutt him in the chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and I made a noise of discomfort. I was too manly to be receiving hugs god damni-! Nngh, he was comfy. I snuggled into his neck, it wouldn't be too bad to lay here a while.

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Boy, it's not awkward at all to wake up with sharpie-drawn accessories on your face after falling asleep at your best friend's house. Nope, not at all!

I don't really like this chapter. ~_~ It was suppose to have moar Meito/Akaito but I didn't want it to be too long. Short, shitty chapter. Might rewrite.


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